Friday, March 27, 2015

Two Years.

Two years. Wow.

A lot has changed in the last two years...I don't even really know where to start. x)

Perhaps one of the biggest changes is that I no longer live at home. I am out living on my own now. I didn't exactly leave home on good terms, but I've made it work. Things between me and my family are much better now than they were when I left. I usually go home to visit at least once a week. I would probably move back home in a heartbeat if I could...but I guess that's what growing up feels like. :/

FYI, being an adult sucks. x) get to have your own rules and stuff but nothing- I repeat, NOTHING- could have prepared me for this. Note to parents or future parents: you can tell your kids that being an adult is hard a million times, and it still won't prepare them!

Anywho, just rambling. x) What else?

I have a boyfriend now. Jon and I have been dating for almost two years now. I met him a few months before I left home, which was actually right after I quit writing here. He's an first and my last. :)

Right before I left home, the anxiety that I always knew was lurking inside me came out full force. This, of course, leads to mild depression, which means the optimistic Maggie has been buried. I have become a pretty hardcore pessimist on the outside, which is something I am trying to work on. It's just hard.

Since I don't live at home anymore, I don't have my precious flock of chickens, ducks, and geese anymore. All of them are gone. I know that's a huge part of my depression. My life will never be complete without my birds. I don't have my bunnies anymore. I sold them, and my baby Buster Brown died of old age. Shelby, my cockatiel, died as well, but I'm not sure why. He wasn't old, and seemed to be in perfect health. My two precious cats are both gone. I believe we had a mountain lion roaming at home (there have been confirmed sightings in the feild directly behind our house), and the monster got a hold of Jackie. One night I came home and bent down to pet him in the dark, and instead stuck my hand in a massive wound on his neck. It was so deep and horrendous I don't know how he was still living. He didn't even seem to be in pain. Every piece of the inside of his body was visible. We had him put down. Several months later my baby girl Sweetie disappeared. I'm positive it was the lion. The fact that I don't have her body or have any closure kills me everyday.

So yeah....there's a good chunk of what moved along the depression. x)

I live in a subdivision now. I rent a room out in my boss's house, actually. x) I owe my boss so much....she has been an incredible friend and has helped me out in so many ways...I will never be able to fully repay her. As grateful as I am to have a place to live, subdivision life is not my thing!! Too crowded, too noisy, and zero privacy. x) I have filled the gap in my heart with a few new pets. They are like therapy. Without them, I don't know what I'd do. I currently have 9 adult leopard geckos. Some are used for breeding, and I have two babies hatched out for this season thus far, with several more batches in the incubator! I also have Brutus Jr., my bearded dragon, Chinook, my hedgehog, and Zorro, a cockatiel. And of course, I do still have Cooper, my precious puppy!!

About six months after I moved out I had to quit working for June. I had started a medication to help with some pain, and it basically triggered a deformity in my lower back that was so excruciatingly painful, I could not move without crying. I ended up going to urgent care (first visit ever in my life x)), and was told that I could either go off the medication and deal with the pain, or stay on the medication and do stretching exercises to strenghten the muscles in my back. I opted for the second option. However, it was a many weeks before I could even bend down halfway. So I unfortunately had to move on from June's. I do still talk to her. How could I not? She taught me so much....I still get antsy every evening when feeding time rolls around. I guess my brain is still programmed to go feed every night. x)

I am no longer active in 4-H, unfortunately. I still am in contact with everyone and visit when I can. I would go to help teach in an instant if I could, but alas, gas is expensive, and I am poor. x)

What other big life changes have I had...? I am still working at the petstore and loving it. I was working full time for a long while, but my hours got cut back recently, giving me a little more free time. I started a second job last September, which has brought on an incredible opportunity for me.

There is a place about ten minutes from where I live, called Holistic Horsemanship. It is owned and run by Lisa Wynne, who I kind of met by accident at Mrs. Wilson's one day. Once I realized who she was I was in awe. Anyway, she had been in need of extra help cleaning and feeding around the farm, so she had emailed me and asked if I was interested. Of course I was! I currently feed for her three nights a week, and I also house sit for her if she needs to go out of town. She has become one of my closest friends very quickly...we think alike in many ways, and I know I can trust her with absolutely anything.

I have wanted to take lessons from her for a very long time, but I never have been able to quite afford it. That all changed just this month. :)

Lisa has an apprenticeship program every year, which is basically two weeks of of intense riding and training and learning about farm management and such. I have wanted to do it so bad, but couldn't afford it. Momma and Daddy surprised me this year by offering to pay for it for me, since they know that my life goal is to run my own farm and teach horses and riders partnership. I was ecstatic. :)

About the same time, Lisa had asked if we could sit down and talk about my career goals. She said she wanted to help me, regardless of what my goals were. I explained to her that my goals were much the same as what she was already doing, and she surprised me by showing me her instructor certification program. I didn't know she had one, because she does not advertise it. She asked if it was something I would be interested in, and I of course said yes! To become an instructor, and to study under HER??? A dream come true!!

So, I am officially starting the program. The money that momma and daddy offered to pay for the apprenticeship they have put towards this instead as the down payment. We have worked out a system so that I can pay the rest off to Lisa as I go, and also pay off my parents as I go. I had my first riding lesson last night. I hadn't been on a horse in eleven months. I learned so much in just one hour!!

So, I am going to be an instructor for Lisa. I still am in shock...I don't know how all of this happened, but I am so incredibly grateful for this opportunity, and for the people that helped get me here!

I am hoping to use this place as a way to write out what I learn so I can sort my thoughts better. Posts may be far and few between though, since most nights when I get home I just crash into bed. x)

But anywho, hello again. It's good to be back, in some manner. x)

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